Confidence is a Jumping Fish (1/20/11)

With a deep breath, and a smile on my face, I can start to believe that the adventure has begun.  I am breathing, drinking, eating, smelling and seeing all new things! It only takes a few blinks, and one really hard pinch, to know that I am not dreaming. I am living. It’s hard to believe that I boarded a plane just forty-eight hours ago, and left the only state I’ve ever called home, for a place in which I’ve spent a mere five days. The initial draw, this overwhelming desire to be here, is still of unknown origin to me.  I couldn’t explain it some years ago, when it first appeared in my mind, and I still can’t put my finger on what it is now.  I am however, optimistic that it’s a feeling that needs no origin, just validation that it, or rather I, was right.  I feel as if I’m supposed to say that I jumped blindly.  That I made some sort of crazy, bold decision to just up and move away on a whim.  And while this is a true statement on some level(s), there is now calmness about me, a serenity of sorts.  I feel as though I’m finally where I should be.  There are times in life where a feeling is so strong, so undeniable, that the urge to follow it must be satisfied.  This is one of those feelings, and has become one of those times. 

That said, I wasn’t hasty in my decision making, nor may I allow myself to be in the words I write now.  This. Is. A. Big. Deal. And should be treated as such, with the respect a move like this deserves. I know that there are tough days to come.  I know that there will be times I will awake wishing I was home.  I know I will miss my California life. I am a lucky, better; blessed girl.  I was raised on solid ground, a foundation that will be stable forever, and I know that without that love and support, I may never have been in tune with myself enough to feel this urge in the first place.  For that matter, I may have never had the confidence to take this huge leap.  I find extreme comfort in knowing where I come from and even more in the fact that I can always go back.  Family will always be family, home will always be home, and I know that I am simply fulfilling a long thought out desire with an open mind, open eyes and an open heart.  Here’s to a new place and new adventures, conquered one little fish at a time!